Its Memorial Day Weekend...

Throughout my few years living in Seaside Heights (Jersey Shore), I've found this particular weekend to be rather ridiculous. For those of you that do not know Memorial Day weekend is when all the Bennies come to ruin the beaches, pick up under age girls, and attempt to the top dog. But all these people do is make themselves look like a bunch of clowns. All of my observations come from my 5 years of working on the boardwalk these will be my first hand accounts of what a benny truly is and how to take their sense of entitlement away from them.

First I'll start with the guys (aka The Guido)...

This term has changed throughout my five years living in Seaside. It used to be an exclusive club to only Italians but it is now branched out to be Mexicans, Puetro Ricans, and other white/hispanic people alike. Lets start with the physical features first...The hair is over gelled and looks kinda like a a row of spikes, sometimes they try to differ themselves by shaving lines into the sides but its all really the same. Their upper body is usually disproportionate tot the lower body most likely because they don't realize you need to lift lower body as well. The guido uniform does not have many variations. It has tight shirt usually Ed Hardy, overly expensive jeans or sometimes capris, the orange glow tan, feminine eye brows and facial features, shaved armpits, and my least favorite new trend is people wearing rosary beads that honestly pisses me off more than anything in the entire world most of them are probably not even Catholic, plus you're not suppose to wear them. They are meant for praying. Now heres the psychological part this is a dangerous road to follow because this is a scary place to be in. The guido's mindset is not normal they feel as if the world owes them something. They are normally loud and have small dog syndrome. They smoke Parliment or Newport brand cigarettes. Mtv's show the Jersey Shore has only increased their feelings of being complete and utter d-bags. They think with their dick and it usually leads them to underage girls because these are the only ones that will talk to them. So parents protect your daughters.

The girls (aka guidettes)....

These fine specimens do not need to be Italian either, they don't need to be pretty or beautiful. Most of them look like clowns with the amount of make up they use and normally have really poofy hairs. These girls are what we call Butta Face's which means they have everything but a face. Their clothes are usually as revealing as they could possibly be. Ripped jeans are a favorite among them. When it comes to guidettes and guidos, the girls hold the cards in that relationship. Their mindset is nothing different than normal girls, they all hate each other and think they are the hottest shit under the sun.

There is no way to defeat these things. No to drive them out of our beaches and towns. The only thing to do is take their money as fast as we possibly can. Working on the boardwalk I once sucked one guido for 80 dollars just to walk away with a 2 dollar stuffed animal. All I had to do was call him a pussy and say he couldn't do it. Make them feel uncomfortable and hated all we want they love that shit. Hit them in the wallet and they will leave...